If you ask anyone in my immediate family, they will tell you I did not want kids growing up. I wanted to be the Rich Auntie while my three sisters gave me all the nieces and nephews to love on. In High School, I was very involved in extracurricular activities and the thought of children was terrifying and based in fear. I was scared of actual labor, scared of how my body would change, and scared of all the uncertainty and unknowns. I wanted to focus on my future that did not involve having my own children. In college I had the same mentality, but one day a switch went off and that changed.

What Changed?

To be honest, I met my future husband. I had no desire for children until I met and fell in love with Joe. He was so kind, outgoing, charming, and truly a wonderful person. We were young and weren’t even talking about marriage or babies, but one day, as I was thinking about my future, I couldn’t stop picturing a family with him. It felt weird. Why was I having these thoughts? I didn’t want children, remember? But his optimism about life, his eagerness to help others and his dreams made me feel safe. It slowly faded my fears because if he was by my side, everything would be okay.

Now, I was absolutely not ready for a baby at the time, but the thought of having a family no longer scared me. There was somehow a mental shift and motherhood was something I kind of wanted. As time went by and our relationship grew, I knew in my heart he would be a great father one day. He was great with kids, he always gave his all and he never complained about going out of his way for me. I knew I wanted to create a little human that would not only look like Joe and act like Joe, but would also have Joe to look up to.

The Future

Fast forward to 5 years later, now engaged, and finding out we were pregnant. We were in the middle of wedding planning, and you’d think I’d immediately be stressed, but instead I felt joy and excitement. You remember all those fears I had? Well, they became my reality. I went into labor 3 weeks early and Kaelen was facing upwards instead of downward and pushing took a little longer. My body definitely changed because, well, I grew a human inside me. And our son, Kaelen, is medically complex. Although our journey has not been perfect or easy, I wouldn’t trade it for anything and my husband has been with me every step of the way.

I went from not to imagining a life with children to looking at my son everyday and not imagining life without him. I will forever be thankful for that moment. The moment when it changed for me. I have the most beautiful boy with the most amazing man and we’re baking baby #2 and could not be more excited.

Thanks for reading!

-Riri